Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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