Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
