I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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