he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
