His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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