How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
