laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
