one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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