You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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