IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
