So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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