i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
