God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
