Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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