Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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