Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
