mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
