i think i have two assholes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize