I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
