It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize