I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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