man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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