I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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