hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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