Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
