i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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