It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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