He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
