She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
