Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
