Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize