I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
