Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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