I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
