At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
