Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
