I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I will pee on everything he values.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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