There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
