i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
