please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
