He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
