Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
