I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
