Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
