dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
