dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
