Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
