Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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