Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
