who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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