Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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