I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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