just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
