we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
