dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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