I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize