I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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