too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
