I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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