I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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