I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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