I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
