Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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