I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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