I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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