I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
