just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
