Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize