I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
