If that was your dad, he is hot
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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