I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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