You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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