I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
