That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
