i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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