Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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