Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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