i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
