I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
