I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
