If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
