I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
