Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
