If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
