how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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