ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
