we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
someone owes me an orgasm
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
