Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
