In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
