I showed him my bush... on skype.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
