She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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